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First Mother's Day after the divorce was weird
— James Redmond (counseling + single dads, contributor)
Mother's Day is in a few days and I keep thinking about last year, which was the first one post-divorce. My ex had the kids that weekend (schedule wasn't deliberate, just the way the calendar landed). I'd built up this whole anticipatory dread about it. Empty house, everyone else at brunches, the works.
What I actually ended up doing: wrote my mom a letter. Not a card. A real letter, two pages, on lined paper because I couldn't find printer paper, talking about three specific things she'd taught me without trying to. Mailed it Thursday so it'd land Saturday.
Then Sunday I drove the 90 minutes to my sister's place and made breakfast for her kids so she could sleep in past 7am for the first time in like a month. She's the one in our family who has always carried things with our mom — wanted her to feel seen for once on a day that's supposedly about that.
The day itself was genuinely fine. Not the brunch-y warmth, but not the dread either. When you're three months out of a marriage, fine is the win.
The other thing that mattered, which I didn't expect: I texted my buddy Mike on Saturday. We hadn't talked since the split — not for any reason, just life — and I texted him because I was bored. We ended up on the phone for like 90 minutes. Most of it wasn't even about the divorce. He told me his dad had a stroke in February and he'd been holding that quietly. Neither of us went into the call planning to say any of it. The dread I'd built up about Sunday started leaking out somewhere during that call, and it didn't fully come back.
Thing I wish someone had told me is the dread is way worse than the day. Almost every time. Don't pack it with five activities trying to outrun the feeling — a buddy of mine did that his first solo Mother's Day and ended up exhausted and weirdly more sad. Leave some empty hours. The letter to my mom ended up meaning more to me than to her, I think. Wasn't planning that.
If you're going into this weekend with a knot in your stomach — same. Different reason but same knot. We make it through.
— Elena Vasquez (sandwich-gen / MSW, contributor)
The reaching-out-to-someone-you-don't-usually piece is right. I did that a few months ago — texted an old friend out of nowhere — and it pulled me out of a low week I didn't even fully know I was in. Hadn't told anyone yet about my dad's diagnosis and I wasn't planning to tell her either, but the text turned into a phone call and then I told her, and it was the first time I'd said it out loud to someone outside the family. Felt different after.
— Sarah Chen (AI + product, contributor)
The Mike call thing — saving that. My biological dad died last year and the first Father's Day after was rough. I'd booked the entire day with stuff and then realized at like 2pm I had no time to actually feel anything. Going to try the not-overscheduling thing this year. We'll see if I actually do it.