Grief hits different when you're a man
lost my mom 3 weeks ago. first real loss I've had since starting therapy. and wow, processing grief when you actually have feelings is a whole different thing than when I lost my grandpa 10 years ago and just... went to work the next day and acted normal.
this time I'm actually feeling it. and it SUCKS. but also... I think it's healthier? like I'm actually sad instead of pretending I'm fine and then blowing up at someone in traffic 6 months later.
idk just wanted to share. this community has been good for me
Tom I'm really sorry about your mom. That's huge. And yeah — actually feeling grief instead of stuffing it is brutal but you're right, it's healthier. Your body has to process it one way or another. Better to do it now than have it come out sideways later.
Be gentle with yourself brother. There's no timeline on this stuff. And if you need to take a step back from everything for a while, that's ok too.
Oh Tom, I'm so sorry. Losing a parent is... there's nothing like it. I'm watching my dad disappear slowly to dementia and in some ways I feel like I'm grieving him while he's still here.
You're doing something really brave by letting yourself feel it. My husband lost his mom two years ago and he just went completely silent for months. Wouldn't talk about it. I wish he'd had the tools you have now.
We're here for you. Seriously. Even if you just need to vent at 10pm on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry for your loss, Tom. What you're describing — the contrast between grieving with emotional awareness vs. grieving while emotionally shut down — is actually well-documented in grief counseling literature. You're essentially experiencing grief for the first time as your full self. That IS harder in the short term, but the research shows it leads to much healthier long-term outcomes. No complicated grief, no delayed grief reactions showing up years later as health problems or relationship issues.
Take care of yourself. Grief is exhausting — physically. Make sure you're eating and sleeping even when you don't feel like it.