Finally went to therapy at 39. Wish I hadn't waited.
So I know this is gonna sound dumb but I literally thought therapy was for people who were "broken." Like genuinely believed that for almost 40 years. My ex wife suggested it during our divorce and I said no way. Then 6 months later I'm sitting in my apartment alone on a Tuesday night just... staring at a wall. Not even sad really. Just empty.
Finally called a therapist. First session I cried for like 45 minutes straight. Didn't even know I had that in me. Turns out I'd been stuffing everything down since I was maybe 12?
Anyway. Three years in now and I'm a completely different person. Not perfect but actually FEELING things again. If you're on the fence about it — just go. Seriously.
Man, this hits home. I coached football for 8 years and told my players to "toughen up" more times than I can count. Then I burned out so hard at 34 I couldn't get out of bed. Therapy literally saved my life.
The wall-staring thing — yeah. That's real. That's not nothing, that's your brain shutting down because it can't process anymore. Glad you got help brother.
Tom, thank you for sharing this. My husband refused therapy for YEARS while I was falling apart taking care of my dad and our teenager. He finally went last spring and it changed everything for us. Well, not everything — we still argue about the dishes lol — but he actually talks to me now about how he feels instead of just shutting down.
The 'empty' feeling you described is so real. I've felt that too. Its like being underwater but nobody can tell.
There's actually solid clinical evidence that men wait an average of 7-10 years longer than women to seek mental health support. The stigma is literally killing people — men are 3.5x more likely to die by suicide. What you did took real courage, Tom. And the emotional numbness you described has a clinical name: alexithymia. It's incredibly common in men who were socialized to suppress emotions.