Dad just got diagnosed with dementia - where do I start
Title says it all. My dad (74) was just diagnosed with early stage Alzheimers. I'm 44 with a wife and two young kids and I'm his primary family in the area. My sister lives 3 states away. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do first - legal stuff? Care plans? Moving him closer? I'm completely overwhelmed and trying not to fall apart.
Anyone been through this? I don't even know what questions to ask.
I'm so sorry. I went through this with my mom 3 years ago. Here's the priority list I wish someone had given me:
1. LEGAL FIRST: Power of attorney (financial AND medical) while he can still sign. This is urgent - if you wait too long he may not be legally competent to sign.
2. Get a geriatric care manager - they're worth every penny and will help you navigate everything.
3. Join the Alzheimer's Association - they have a 24/7 helpline and local support groups.
4. Don't try to do everything at once. Early stage means you have some time to plan.
The most important thing: take care of yourself too. Caregiver burnout is real and you can't pour from an empty cup.
Power of attorney x1000. My family waited and by the time we tried to get it my dad couldn't sign anymore. The legal mess that followed was nightmarish and expensive. Do it NOW while he's in early stages.
Also - talk to him about what HE wants while he can still tell you. Where does he want to live? What kind of care? These conversations are hard but you'll be grateful later.
Adding to the practical stuff: start a shared document or folder with all his important info - doctors, medications, insurance, bank accounts, passwords, etc. You're going to need this stuff and its way easier to gather it now than later.
Also: look into respite care early even if you don't need it yet. Having a plan for when YOU need a break is not selfish, its necessary.
You're not alone in this. There are more of us than you'd think - caught between our kids and our parents with nobody asking how WE'RE doing. This forum has been a lifeline for me. Lean on the community here.
And please - don't neglect your own mental health. I tried to be Superman for my dad and ended up in the ER with a panic attack. Taking care of yourself IS taking care of your family.